all i need is within me now..

Most people feel a lack of control in their lives. Whether it's their work, their body, their relationships or their finances, there always seems to be at least one area that isn't as they want it to be. Most often they then turn to an external source of control- clothing, exercise, cars, people, work, tv, social media or food. While these external 'things' provide a temporary fix they can never fill the need for control in the long term. This life long seek for control from an external source is a vicious circle that never ends. 
This has been my life, for a long time- I found certainty and control in clothes, shoes and makeup always searching for the next 'thing' trying to fill the gap between me and control. I thought this was happiness and control- really?! I was never fulfilled and always out of balance leaving me deflated and hating my life over my lack of control. I didn't think there was another way- I thought this must be life. 
I did lots of soul searching, read heaps of books and changed my lifestyle where I completely cut out most of the external things I was latching onto. Nothing changed, seriously nothing. 
I was frustrated annoyed and still deflated. 
Then there came a day- I was flustered, angry with the world and just plain mad- I was ready to give up everything, nothing was working. I unpacked this onto my coach who after calming me down and being super patient with me, brought me into a meditation where I discovered that the control i have been searching endlessly was already within me. Everything that I had been looking externally  for was already within me- control, variety, love and significance was already there inside me and I hadn't allowed myself the space to see that I already have everything I need. It doesn't come from my outside world or 'something'- it starts with me. 

Control is a feeling and feelings start from the inside but we get so tied up in the 'things' that we completely miss the beauty of knowing it's already there within us. 
Everything that we seek externally is obtainable from within us- we need to just trust that we are enough and we will have total control eternally. 
Ellie xxx